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May. 4th, 2008 | 11:26 am
location: shige's kitchen
Title: Beautiful boy
“Do you know how it feels like to be invisible?”
“Do you know how it feels like to be hurt by those people you loved?”
“But I do”
This is a story of a beautiful person. So beautiful but all he can do or all he knows how to do is to hate himself. He is easily hurt by words, by unfair judgments, by prejudice and most of all by perceptions. Someone else’s perceptions are mattered the most. He’s happy and sad and devastated by perceptions. He hates it dearly though it didn’t sound quite right because as much as he hates it he realizes that he can’t live without it.
‘You’re the most pathetic person ever lived in this world’ someone said while smiling playfully, and he believed him.
Better yet, he didn’t just believe it. He also accepted and embraced it. He was more than ready to accept what he believed as ‘painful truth’. Pathetic is the right word to describe him so he wore the title on his forehead. Willingly.
This person is unbelievably optimist over something so negative.
This person, this boy is beautiful in many ways and it is still a mystery on how he could suppress it effectively. That beauty of his is screaming and begging him to be free from the golden cage of his empty heartand stupid mind. but he never entertained it saying that he had lost the key to unlock the golden cage.
“ah! Where did I lost it?” he said while laughing awkwardly.
His life is beautiful too if only he didn’t look at it from the wrong perspective. Yes, he is not as good dancer as the others, yes he is not as good singer as the others and yes he is not as good of an actor as the others, so what? Can’t he see those longing eyes of his fans wanting him to notice them? Can’t he see the proud smiles on his parents’ face whenever they saw him on tv? Or can’t he at least notices that gentle smile that person gave him whenever he scolded or simply tortured him? He is blinded again by mere perceptions for words, no matter if it was true or wrong, nice or cruel, will always find its way to break his little heart. He is beautiful but unlucky enough to purchase the most bungling dictionary of life. That dictionary that is stored permanently in his mind translated all the right thing wrongly. For example when someone said ‘good job’ to him, his dictionary translates it as “how incompetent can you be, don’t ever think I am praising you, I am being sarcastic okay”. Never once he thinks of removing what had rotten up his mind by something new, or maybe something more positive.
He is very beautiful and had loved someone. Actually he still loves the same person. That person he loves is the most beautiful person he ever met. He is strong and determined, very handsome and charming, a complete the opposite of him. In this case, his own perception hurts him the most. He gives up on him even without trying for despite the endless drills, he is still afraid of rejection.
“He’s nicer to me now, I wouldn’t dare to ask for more” he said.
So he wouldn’t dare to ask for more.
One day, this beautiful person fell sick. Spinning head, hard to breath, even his dictionary translated it rightly. 'He is sick'. But he pushed himself to get up from his comfortable bed and got ready to work. Every step he took was heavy. He was almost running out of breath by the time he stepped inside the ‘jimusho’ building. Then he saw the person he loves waving at him. He was captivated by that person’s smile that he forgot to breath and it wasn’t the right thing to do. He collapsed and fell hard on the floor before he could even return that smile.
One sentence by the doctor.
One sentence by the doctor.
“He is very tired’
“I am sick” he said to himself and to the person he loved. They were alone in the white room.
“yes you are sick…therefore..” that person couldn’t finish his word.
“am I going to die?” he cut. Tears start forming on his beautiful eyes.
“no you’re not” that person smiled gently.
“I am scared” he said.
“Don’t be, I am here, I won’t go anywhere” he promised.
He can’t believe it. He refused to believe it. Those words were not meant for him. To him, those words were merely spoken just to avoid him from crying. Those words were not sincere enough to his ears.
“Don’t promise something you couldn’t fulfill” he retorted. Where did the courage come from?
“What do you mean?”
“You hate me right? You don’t have to force yourself to be nice to me.”
“You’re saying that I am not an honest person?”
“No, I didn’t say that. What I was trying to say is that, you are so nice that you will force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. Caring for me is not something you want to do don’t you?”
“What is wrong with you? And what is wrong with me being nice to you? I care for you damn it! Stop saying those stupid things, I won’t accept it”
“You hate me right?”
“No! I said stop saying those stupid things. Who said that I hate you? Tell me.”
“My heart” he said weakly.
but he couldn’t finish his words.
His sickness was a mystery. The doctor said he was perfectly fine. He was just too tired when he was first admitted to the hospital. Nothing serious. But when he fell coma, no one knows why? Doctors came and left; none of them had managed to find out what had caused the coma. Three months had passed and he remained still in his deep sleep. The person kept his promise; he came almost everyday despite his tight schedule. When he’s away, he’ll make sure to send someone to watch for him. The first thing he would do everytime he came back from outstation was to stop by the flower shop, bought a bouquet of fresh rose and head straight to the hospital where the beauty was sleeping soundly. It wasn’t easy for him but he kept doing it anyway. A part from it was because of his promise but there was something else that was much stronger. He didn’t say it because he himself was scared to admit it.
“He refused to go back” a Shaman told his parents.
“Why?” his mother asked. His father remained silent. He didn’t quite agree with his wife when she wanted to use different method to regain their only child’s consciousness.
He was standing on the other side of the room. Holding the flower in his hand and slowly bring it to his chest and hug it careful enough not to damage it.
“I don’t know. All we can do now is waiting”
“Wait? That’s it? There is no other way?” his father finally spoke.
“I am afraid so” he said.
Another month passed by. The beautiful boy is still asleep.
One day he came again with flower in his hands. No one else was in the room but him and the beautiful boy. Slowly he put the flower on the desk, sat himself on the chair, adjusting until finally he felt comfortable enough. He studied the beautiful boy’s face and can’t help it when the smile formed on his face. He wondered when it was started. He remembered hating the boy because he annoyed him so much with his wits and because of that he gave more attention to that boy than he should. It was first just a mere hatred than it became something of a routine. From hatred he found it enjoyable to provoke the younger boy. Then he noticed how beautiful his smile was. Bad things happened and they were separated for almost a year. Then they reunited again. They became closer and then he began to notice how beautiful that boy’s eyes were. He knew he shouldn’t let his feeling controlled him and he had fight for it but after several defeats he finally raised the white flag.
He smiled by the memory and took the boy’s hand. His hand shake a little bit as he drew closer and kiss the boy’s cold hand.
“You’re hand is cold. Please, wake up. I miss you so much”
“I want to see you smile again, I want to laugh at your awkward dance again, I want to hear you voice again, I want to see your shiny eyes once again”
“Please wake up. I beg you”
“please wake up. I beg you”
“Come back, I need you. I know you can hear me”
That voice again. He remembered loving the owner of the voice. He knew that that man was keeping his promise but he was still afraid to believe.
To believe in love is something he never thought he would do.
“I need you”
“I want you back”
“I love you”
He wanted to laugh. Did he just heard him said ‘I love You’? However he can’t help but to feel happy about that.
“I love you”
“I love you”
“I’ll die if you leave me”
“Come back now”
“He’ll die without me?” he asked to no one but himself. Something warm flowing through his vein. It was painful but beautiful at the same time. Just like him. For that, he cried. Love he craved came to embrace him. His tears fell, one drop after another. The tears formed a pond on his palm. He looked at his own pond of tears and smile.
“I want us to be together”
“he want us to be together” he echoed.
“I want to go back”
And something appeared from the pond of his tears. It was shining brightly before dimmed slowly to reveal its true shape. A golden key.
“So here you are” he said drawing the key to his chest. The key shined back before it disappeared as if it was sucked in his heart.
as it disappeared, he felt lighter. His body slowly lifted up and floating in the air.
“I should go now”
The beautiful boy slowly opened his eyes for the first time after a very very long time. He eyed the wall, the ceiling, the window and the air-cond , everything but the other person.
Finally their eyes met.
“What took you so long?” the man tried his best to be as calm as he could but his voice betrayed him.
“Are you crying?”
“Baka! You haven’t answered my question yet” he pretended that he was angry to cover his embarrassment.
“I lost my key” he said.
“It took you so long to retrieved it, you are so slow and incompetent” he replied.
“I think I should go back to SLEEP”
“No don’t! Please. I was just joking.”
“I miss you so much”
“I miss your smile, your eyes, your voice. I miss your everything”
“Say something! I am embarrassed”
“For keeping your promise and…”
“For saying that…you…”
“I said what?”
“You said you love me. That you can’t live without me”
“I…I didn’t say that”
“I heard you said that”
“No, I didn’t say anything”
“fine then. I think I want to SLEEP now”
“No, don’t. Okay! I admit it. I have said that. Now you can laugh at me”
“I won’t laugh at you. You saved me. You are the key that freed me from my own stupid world”
“From now on, I won’t care what people say about me. I am glad to be me. I am happy and lucky.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Promise me you won’t hate me if I say this”
“okay. I promise”
“I have a confession to make. I, Nishikido Ryo, the sexiest man on earth is helplessly in love with Kato Shigeaki, the clumsiest nerd on earth. I love you. I love you so much…waaa…don’t hate me!”
“Ryo…I hated you..”
“You promised you won't hate me!”
“I am not finish yet. Listen. I hated you once but the, I started to fall in love with you?
“I love you even longer before you fall in love with me”
“no, I love you first”
“No! I…I love you FIRST!”
“Ryo no BAKA!”
“you even baka than me”
No more awkwards silent as their eyes met each other. Ryo took Shige's hand and kissed it.
"your hand is still cold"
"I am sorry that i have a cold hand" the beautiful boy replied with an irresistably cute pout.
"Can i kiss you?" Ryo asked. Evidently blushed.
"I don't care" and he kissed him gently.
Their first kiss.
“Welcome back Shige and please, don’t leave me again”
That is how it ends. The beautiful boy now realizes his beauty. He could stand up to face the world and smile bravely at the face of perceptions and cruel words. He is not afraid anymore because he knows; Ryo will always be by his side. His Ryo will catch him whenever he falls and hold his hand when time is hard. He is not alone anymore.
Love is simple. They made it simple and beautiful.
Just like them.
One more thing.
Shige also got a new dictionary. A better and accurate one.
A/N: i woke up at 8, wrote this fic right away without taking my breakfast first and now it is 12.33. i should get something to eat. gosh! i am hungry i can eat a horse.
comments will make me full and save the life of an innocent horse <3