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wow...its been a long time

Jun. 1st, 2010 | 10:16 pm

i decided to write again after so many years. yeah writers block got me real bad so now i am back...

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Beautiful boy

May. 4th, 2008 | 11:26 am
location: shige's kitchen
mood: crazycrazy
music: none

Title: Beautiful boy
Author: Kazuryoshi
pairing: Nishikato
rating: G
warning: un-betaed.

“Do you know how it feels like to be invisible?”

 “Do you know how it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you back? or even worse, to be despise by someone you will die for?”


“Do you know how it feels like to be hurt by those people you loved?”


“You don’t”


“But I do”



This is a story of a beautiful person. So beautiful but all he can do or all he knows how to do is to hate himself. He is easily hurt by words, by unfair judgments, by prejudice and most of all by perceptions. Someone else’s perceptions are mattered the most. He’s happy and sad and devastated by perceptions. He hates it dearly though it didn’t sound quite right because as much as he hates it he realizes that he can’t live without it.


‘You’re the most pathetic person ever lived in this world’ someone said while smiling playfully, and he believed him.


Better yet, he didn’t just believe it. He also accepted and embraced it. He was more than ready to accept what he believed as ‘painful truth’. Pathetic is the right word to describe him so he wore the title on his forehead. Willingly.


This person is unbelievably optimist over something so negative.


This person, this boy is beautiful in many ways and it is still a mystery on how he could suppress it effectively. That beauty of his is screaming and begging him to be free from the golden cage of his empty heartand stupid mind. but he never entertained it saying that he had lost the key to unlock the golden cage.


“ah! Where did I lost it?” he said while laughing awkwardly.


His life is beautiful too if only he didn’t look at it from the wrong perspective. Yes, he is not as good dancer as the others, yes he is not as good singer as the others and yes he is not as good of an actor as the others, so what? Can’t he see those longing eyes of his fans wanting him to notice them? Can’t he see the proud smiles on his parents’ face whenever they saw him on tv? Or can’t he at least notices that gentle smile that person gave him whenever he scolded or simply tortured him? He is blinded again by mere perceptions for words, no matter if it was true or wrong, nice or cruel, will always find its way to break his little heart. He is beautiful but unlucky enough to purchase the most bungling dictionary of life. That dictionary that is stored permanently in his mind translated all the right thing wrongly. For example when someone said ‘good job’ to him, his dictionary translates it as “how incompetent can you be, don’t ever think I am praising you, I am being sarcastic okay”. Never once he thinks of removing what had rotten up his mind by something new, or maybe something more positive.


He is very beautiful and had loved someone. Actually he still loves the same person. That person he loves is the most beautiful person he ever met. He is strong and determined, very handsome and charming, a complete the opposite of him. In this case, his own perception hurts him the most. He gives up on him even without trying for despite the endless drills, he is still afraid of rejection.


“He’s nicer to me now, I wouldn’t dare to ask for more” he said.


So he wouldn’t dare to ask for more.


       One day, this beautiful person fell sick. Spinning head, hard to breath, even his dictionary translated it rightly. 'He is sick'. But he pushed himself to get up from his comfortable bed and got ready to work. Every step he took was heavy. He was almost running out of breath by the time he stepped inside the ‘jimusho’ building. Then he saw the person he loves waving at him. He was captivated by that person’s smile that he forgot to breath and it wasn’t the right thing to do. He collapsed and fell hard on the floor before he could even return that smile.


One sentence by the doctor.

“He is very tired’




“I am sick” he said to himself and to the person he loved. They were alone in the white room.


“yes you are sick…therefore..” that person couldn’t finish his word.


“am I going to die?” he cut. Tears start forming on his beautiful eyes.


“no you’re not” that person smiled gently.


“I am scared” he said.


“Don’t be, I am here, I won’t go anywhere” he promised.


He can’t believe it. He refused to believe it. Those words were not meant for him. To him, those words were merely spoken just to avoid him from crying. Those words were not sincere enough to his ears.



“Don’t promise something you couldn’t fulfill” he retorted. Where did the courage come from?


“What do you mean?”


“You hate me right? You don’t have to force yourself to be nice to me.”


“You’re saying that I am not an honest person?”


“No, I didn’t say that. What I was trying to say is that, you are so nice that you will force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. Caring for me is not something you want to do don’t you?”


“What is wrong with you? And what is wrong with me being nice to you? I care for you damn it! Stop saying those stupid things, I won’t accept it”


“You hate me right?”


“No! I said stop saying those stupid things. Who said that I hate you? Tell me.”


“My heart” he said weakly.






but he couldn’t finish his words.




His sickness was a mystery. The doctor said he was perfectly fine. He was just too tired when he was first admitted to the hospital. Nothing serious. But when he fell coma, no one knows why? Doctors came and left; none of them had managed to find out what had caused the coma. Three months had passed and he remained still in his deep sleep. The person kept his promise; he came almost everyday despite his tight schedule. When he’s away, he’ll make sure to send someone to watch for him. The first thing he would do everytime he came back from outstation was to stop by the flower shop, bought a bouquet of fresh rose and head straight to the hospital where the beauty was sleeping soundly. It wasn’t easy for him but he kept doing it anyway. A part from it was because of his promise but there was something else that was much stronger. He didn’t say it because he himself was scared to admit it.




“He refused to go back” a Shaman told his parents.


“Why?” his mother asked. His father remained silent. He didn’t quite agree with his wife when she wanted to use different method to regain their only child’s consciousness.


He was standing on the other side of the room. Holding the flower in his hand and slowly bring it to his chest and hug it careful enough not to damage it.


“I don’t know. All we can do now is waiting”


“Wait? That’s it? There is no other way?” his father finally spoke.


“I am afraid so” he said.


            Another month passed by. The beautiful boy is still asleep.


One day he came again with flower in his hands. No one else was in the room but him and the beautiful boy. Slowly he put the flower on the desk, sat himself on the chair, adjusting until finally he felt comfortable enough. He studied the beautiful boy’s face and can’t help it when the smile formed on his face. He wondered when it was started. He remembered hating the boy because he annoyed him so much with his wits and because of that he gave more attention to that boy than he should. It was first just a mere hatred than it became something of a routine. From hatred he found it enjoyable to provoke the younger boy. Then he noticed how beautiful his smile was. Bad things happened and they were separated for almost a year. Then they reunited again. They became closer and then he began to notice how beautiful that boy’s eyes were. He knew he shouldn’t let his feeling controlled him and he had fight for it but after several defeats he finally raised the white flag.


He smiled by the memory and took the boy’s hand. His hand shake a little bit as he drew closer and kiss the boy’s cold hand.


“You’re hand is cold. Please, wake up. I miss you so much”


“I want to see you smile again, I want to laugh at your awkward dance again, I want to hear you voice again, I want to see your shiny eyes once again”


“Please wake up. I beg you”



“please wake up. I beg you”


        He heard that clearly and he wanted to run to his voice yet his soul is still trapped in his own dream. He had his time and now he wanted to go back. The world was empty and big. Big and empty and he was alone. In this world, there were no cruel perceptions and words yet he was still unhappy. He needed to see the light again but he didn’t know how.


“Come back, I need you. I know you can hear me”


       That voice again. He remembered loving the owner of the voice. He knew that that man was keeping his promise but he was still afraid to believe.


       To believe in love is something he never thought he would do.


“I need you”

“I want you back”


“I love you”


            He wanted to laugh. Did he just heard him said ‘I love You’? However he can’t help but to feel happy about that.


“I love you”

“I love you”

“I’ll die if you leave me”

“Come back now”


“He’ll die without me?” he asked to no one but himself. Something warm flowing through his vein. It was painful but beautiful at the same time. Just like him. For that, he cried. Love he craved came to embrace him. His tears fell, one drop after another. The tears formed a pond on his palm. He looked at his own pond of tears and smile.


“I want us to be together”


“he want us to be together” he echoed. 

...and decided. 

“I want to go back”


            And something appeared from the pond of his tears. It was shining brightly before dimmed slowly to reveal its true shape. A golden key.


“So here you are” he said drawing the key to his chest. The key shined back before it disappeared as if it was sucked in his heart. 

as it disappeared, he felt lighter. His body slowly lifted up and floating in the air.


“I should go now”



“hello there”


            The beautiful boy slowly opened his eyes for the first time after a very very long time. He eyed the wall, the ceiling, the window and the air-cond , everything but the other person.


Finally their eyes met.


“What took you so long?” the man tried his best to be as calm as he could but his voice betrayed him.


“Are you crying?”


“Baka! You haven’t answered my question yet” he pretended that he was angry to cover his embarrassment.


“I lost my key” he said.


“It took you so long to retrieved it, you are so slow and incompetent” he replied.


“I think I should go back to SLEEP”


“No don’t! Please. I was just joking.”


“got you!”








“I miss you so much”




“I miss your smile, your eyes, your voice. I miss your everything”




“Say something! I am embarrassed”






“Nishikido kun”






“That’s better”


“Thank you”


“For what?”


“For keeping your promise and…”




“For saying that…you…”


“I said what?”


“You said you love me. That you can’t live without me”


“I…I didn’t say that”


“I heard you said that”


“No, I didn’t say anything”


“fine then. I think I want to SLEEP now”


“No, don’t. Okay! I admit it. I have said that. Now you can laugh at me”


“I won’t laugh at you. You saved me. You are the key that freed me from my own stupid world”




“From now on, I won’t care what people say about me. I am glad to be me. I am happy and lucky.”


“What are you talking about?”




“Ne, Shige”


“Yes Nishi…Ryo”


“Promise me you won’t hate me if I say this”


“okay. I promise”


“I have a confession to make. I, Nishikido Ryo, the sexiest man on earth is helplessly in love with Kato Shigeaki, the clumsiest nerd on earth. I love you. I love you so much…waaa…don’t hate me!”


“Ryo…I hated you..”


“You promised you won't hate me!”


“I am not finish yet. Listen. I hated you once but the, I started to fall in love with you?




“Long ago”


“I love you even longer before you fall in love with me”


“no, I love you first”


“No! I…I love you FIRST!”


“Ryo no BAKA!”


“you even baka than me”



No more awkwards silent as their eyes met each other. Ryo took Shige's hand and kissed it.

"your hand is still cold"

"I am sorry that i have a cold hand" the beautiful boy replied with an irresistably cute pout.

"Can i kiss you?" Ryo asked. Evidently blushed.


"I don't care" and he kissed him gently. 

Their first kiss.

“Welcome back Shige and please, don’t leave me again”



            That is how it ends. The beautiful boy now realizes his beauty. He could stand up to face the world and smile bravely at the face of perceptions and cruel words. He is not afraid anymore because he knows; Ryo will always be by his side. His Ryo will catch him whenever he falls and hold his hand when time is hard. He is not alone anymore.


Love is simple. They made it simple and beautiful. 
Just like them.




One more thing.           


Shige also got a new dictionary. A better and accurate one.



***The end***.


A/N: i woke up at 8, wrote this fic right away without taking my breakfast first and now it is 12.33. i should get something to eat. gosh! i am hungry i can eat a horse.

comments will make me full  and save the life of an innocent horse <3


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for you and me (caught)

May. 3rd, 2008 | 01:15 am
location: castle
mood: calmcalm
music: none

For You and Me (caught)
Author: kazuryoshi
Characters: Nishikato
Summary: he wants to but he can’t.



He’s here! Why he’s here? Why am I here? What am I doing here? What is he doing here?


He’s coming. He looks angry… that’s kind of…hot…


Help me~


He pulls my left hand. It’s hurt. He is going to hurt me. Why? I didn’t do anything wrong to him.


He pulls me. To where? The wall? I don’t know! I don’t even see a thing. How can I see if I close my eyes? Why do I close my eyes?


The wall kind of too soft and it smells good too. It smells like him.

Him?!! as in He?

“I am sorry” I was about to say that but…

I can’t.

I really can’t.

Because he…

Sorry but could you please leave us alone for a while?

Err..I mean…now!!!

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for you and me (member-ai makes me cry)

May. 2nd, 2008 | 09:44 pm
location: dungeon
mood: calmcalm
music: none

For you and me (member-ai makes me cry)
Author: kazuryoshi
Characters: Nishikato, K.K
Summary: member-ai means asking your friend to help you with the ‘practice’.

Urgh… this is the fifth times.

Urgh! Its coming again. Hurry up before it’s too late!

Uwah…. I made it. That was close.

Oh, hi there. I am K. the single eyelid but ridiculously handsome guy.

I shouldn’t eat that spicy curry. Damn it. I should listen to S’s advice.

“oi! Stop eating that spicy curry, your stomach can’t handle it!” he said.

“oh! Don’t worry, I believe in my stomach” and that was what I said. For that I have to spend my precious times in the toilet. That is the price I have to pay for believing in my own stomach. But don't worry, I still believe in you my dear.

Ehem..I think you should leave me to do, err…my personal business.

Why are you still here?
Do you mind?!!! Please.

Thank you.


Phew! That’s better. I hope this will be the last one. I had enough.

Thank you for waiting. I think I should go now. Wait!
Somebody’s coming!


Eh? I think this guy is in a hurry. He’s breathing hard. Is it from the running? I guess so.

Who could it be? He sounds like S, no, I think it’s K The Turtle.

Nah! I don’t think so.

Oh! Somebody else is coming.

OMG! OMG! Are they fighting? It’s like someone is forcefully pushed against the wall. Who?
I better take a look. Don’t worry, I am too smart to be involved in their crisis. I am not going to expose myself. I just take a peek, professionally, like the professional spy always does.

Slowly, slowly… *CRACK* damn this door. SHhhhhhHHhh…OMG I hope they won’t notice.

Doki doki doki doki.

I think they are not.

So, who are they? It’s a bit quiet in here. Is it over? I better check.

Eh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( I scream so loud but only in my mind)

R chan and S? are they? No! This is a mistake. They can’t be! There’s no way! Hell no!!

Take a deep breath and look again.


OMG! Its really them!

What should I do? Why are they k..kkkkii..ss..chu~!?

Calm down my self, calm down. Please.

Take a deep breath again…eww..what am I doing? Taking a deep breath in a toilet? Eww me!.

But why? The kiss? R and S?

Do you know why? You don’t know? Why am I not surprise?

Hmm, err…damn it..hmm..quiet please. I am doing some thinking here.

Ah! I get it.
You see! R chan is practicing for his new role in his latest Drama. What’s the title again? is it last friends? Best boyfriend? Well, it’s not important right. He told me last night that he will going to have his first kissing scene but he has no idea how to do it.

So he asks S to help him. Now I get it!

YAY!!! Finally!

Member-ai! They are getting closer because of all the other five members, he asks S to help him. He could ask T.Y or me, but he didn’t.

I want to cry now. Not that i am upset he didn't pick me. I am happy for them.

Wow! This is considerably long kiss. Wohoo! S looks awkward. Hahaha. He is so funny. Oi! S come on, you should loosen up and enjoy it. I mean give a proper response. ( I am silently cheering for my best buddy).

My dear S is so tense. Poor baby.

Aha! That’s what I’m talking about. Kiss back! S is kissing R back. He should do that earlier. BAKA!

Oh! It’s over now.

Hahaha. Look! They are blushing. Hahaha. Blushing R chan is priceless. I should take a picture.

Shh..where’s my handphone?

Okay..1,2,3 chu~

OMG! I forgot to turn off the flash!

I am so dead.

Shit! Shit!

OMG! They are coming.

I think this is the end of me. I bid you all farewell.



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for you and me (leader...henshin...KAME?)

May. 2nd, 2008 | 05:13 pm
location: dungeon
mood: blahblah
music: none

For You and Me (leader…Henshin…Kame?)
Author: kazuryoshi
Characters: Nishikato, yamapi

Summary: henshin!!! The leader, as promised, is reporting for you.



This is the leader again.

R is running while cursing (I guess)

He looks kind of angry. Eh? Wait! Did he just hit his own belly? Or… no, I think he just hit the lower part. Much lower I think…


OMG!!! Did he just?!

He must’ve missed it. Poor R-chan. That must be very painful. I know. I understand.

Oh well, he’s fine now.

Oh! No! he’s coming this way. Hide! HIDE! Hide leader hide!

But where should I hide? Help me~ (I can’t scream for help, please understand)


A table! Yay me!

Leader HENSHIN!!! Du du du. super *KAME!!!

Super KAME is hiding under the table. R will not going to notice me.


Doki doki

Phew… see he didn’t notice me right? I am good. I should do this more often.


Okay, I think its safe now. I should go.

R now is…where is he?

OMG again!!!

I lost him..

* KAME means turtle.

# here’s one mystery.
How did Y be in the Hallway earlier than R when it was R who came out first?

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for you and me (not a stalker)

May. 2nd, 2008 | 03:33 pm
location: dungeon
mood: hungryhungry
music: the sound of wind

For you and me (not a stalker)
Author: Kazuryoshi

Characters: Nishikato, Yamapi


This is crazy!


Oi! *Karada-san, why are you moving? Why are you running? Why are you chasing after him?


This is insane!  I need to be the one in control again. Not this Karada-san. Oi! Karada-san!! Stop!! Or I will hurt you!


Karada-san…Stop!!! Or I will, I will…I will…OUCH!!


Damn it! This is your fault S kun. You’ll pay for this. I’ll make you.


Oh! Hey there! It’s you again huh.


Ouch! It’s really hurt.


 I have to complain about this. It’s about S. This boy, S, is so stubborn. Oh, trust me; you don’t have any idea how stubborn he is.

I had once told him to stop wearing that ugly green shirt he bought at this cheap shop but guess what? He wore the same shirt for a week. Can you imagine? For a week!!! And it was summer! Ugh! Imagine the sweat, the smell…but he strangely smelt good though.


No! I didn’t say that! I didn’t say he smells good. No!


Now I have to find him. Why? Well, he just walked away from me. I gave him my best plus charming plus handsome plus cute plus sexy smile but in turn he gave me that awkward and obviously fake smile and then…and then..he just walked away.






I am hurt.


Can’t you see? Oh! heart. My poor heart.


I better hurry up. I think I know where he is. He always goes there. He always does.


Oi! Wait…I am not a stalker okay!! I just happen to know.


Hmm. The hallway seems darker today. Eh wait! Isn’t that Y just now? What he’s doing under that tiny table? Nah! Maybe I am just imagining thing, its quite dark in here you know. Besides, what is he doing so early here? He never comes early.


Do you want to know why?


Well… the answer is because he’s always late. Wahaha..ha..ha..heh..hmm.. Oi! This is a joke, so laugh!! Laugh!!! And this is not a request. Do you understand?




I better run.


Oh! Here I am… Wait! I should check first.




He’s here.


One… two… three… here I come!


Oh! Before that… could you please go now! I don’t want to be disturbed.




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for you and me (the one who knows)

Mar. 29th, 2008 | 08:49 pm
location: room
mood: sadsad
music: news-bambina

title: for you and me (the one who knows)
author: kazuryoshi
pairing: nishikato

summary: this man knows what's going on beween those who's-name-cannot-be-mentioned because he is self proclaimed know-it-all super leader.

hi! kon kon!

do you know me? i dont think so. you will never, ever know who i really am since i am invisible. which means, i am as good if not nearly good as a well trained ninja when it comes to hiding. even sasuke got jealous of my exceptional talent.

i am here since 7.58 am. too early right. owh, do you know where i am now?

well, i am here, inside the meeting room, under the table and i dont have any idea how i could end up lying here. do you know how?

anyway...from my position i could see his foot, wearing sneakers today huh?. i think i know to whom this pair of red sneakers belong to but better check first.

sniff sniff...hmm, judging from the smell, i think he is R.

owh...somebody's coming.who is he...ow common, just step inside!!!

who he is?!..gosh!this is fun. you have no idea!

hey wait!(i screamed in my mind not out loud) why? he did not come in..instead..hmm, judging from his pace, i'm quite sure he's running away.

Running? as in running away? from who? R? owh..now i get it.

the other guy ran away from R.

.....who could it be?


i know who he is!! i am super intelligent! he must be S for no one else in this world would avoid to be alone with R other than him. i know its him.

speaking of these two, i wonder when they will call it quit? i mean, this pretencious i-cant-tolerate-you or you-annoyed-me or its-awkward-to-be-alone-with-you attitude should stop. i know there's some romantic feeling going on between these two though they keep on denying it. hah! i am the know-it-all super leader, there's nothing they can hide from me.

you may wonder since when i 'know' this. okay, this may shock you but to tell you the truth, R fell head to toe with S since the first time he saw him. dont believe me? so why do you think R kept picking on S? huh? HUH?! do you really think his display of affection towards U.H is real? or dont you think he did that in order to make somebody jealous? think again people!! while for S, he was too young to notice that before but i know, he had noticed that now and i am really sure he also felt the same as R.

i know. i just know. at least, that's what i think i know.

owh..R is moving. he's going to go after S. i should..OUCH!!!! damn you R chan, you just hit my pretty face with your stinky shoe, SHIT!! you'll pay for this...later...ops!

sorry, sorry for the harsh word..the usual me is calm,cool and handsome but this is painful. it just came out, the word i mean. sorry.

i should go now. sure, i wont let them see me because it will spoil the fun.

see you later.kon kon.

p/s: dont worry, i'll report the details later. just dont tell anyone about this or R will kill me and YOU too. Off Me GO!!

A/N: this was written in a middle of a failed attempt to save a little kitten. yes people, the kitten died, uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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for you and me (self acceptance)

Mar. 28th, 2008 | 02:55 pm
location: shige's room
mood: calmcalm
music: ai nante-nishikato yuya

title: for you and me (self acceptance)
author: kazuryoshi
pairing: Nishikato ow yeah!

summary: its the prodigy's turn again.

oh my oh my! I cant believe it!

oh. hi there! how are you? miss me?

let me tell you something, oh my oh my. last night, we went out together!! me, me and that person! just the two of us! am i dreaming? no im not. i am not dreaming..but why my best friend came to bother us? i mean, well, i know he was worried that it will be too awkward for us to be together, alone, just the two of us, but, i dont care about that, go to hell with MR. Awkward! i just want us to strengthen our bond, i want to be his friend, no, i want to be more than his friend..i want to be his...special someone, yes, special.

oh, my dearest friend, why did you come and ruined everything?.

i know he felt the same too (i hope so, i mean i really really really hope so)

this is getting worse (i am referring to my 'feeling'), i need to see him, i need to hear his voice, his mocking voice that tells me my hair style sucks, i need to feel his presence everywhere i go. what's happening to me? dont tell me im going crazy? but crazy in love..maybe?

wait! if i do in love with him, that will make me a g~ ge~ ga~~y, uwaaaaaaaa!!! ah..reminds me of my neighbour's kid that kept calling me 'geh' instead of my proper name.

oh my! what should i do if he found out about this?
(jimusho building is good enough, or i could lie down on the railway waiting for the train to hit me..yeah..i could do that)

but, its me. my feeling is real. i cant deny it and i cant stop it. so..

owh, here i am...wow! 25 minutes before meeting! i am good.

we are going to have a meeting today, just a group meeting, will he sit next to me as he always do?

i am opening the door now. am i the first to arrive?

doki doki doki doki


OMG! its him!!and he smiles at me! okay, calm now, dont panic, smile back, now... wat should i do? how do i look?..better go to the toilet first.

i am going now..

you know what, im quite busy right now. so see ya.

p/s dont tell this to anyone okay. count on u :)

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for you and me (confession of the self proclaimed sexy osaka man)

Mar. 26th, 2008 | 11:48 pm
location: shige's room
mood: stressedstressed
music: there's toads making weird sound outside

title: for you and me (confession of the self proclaimed sexy osaka man)
pairing: NishiKato ow yeah!
summary: its Ryo's turn to speak to you.

A/N: wow..this was done in one go...a record for me. there will be loads of grammatical mistakes and confusing sentences. to read this u need to be fully concentrate in order to get the real message. haha it was too exagerated. happy reading.

we went for dinner together. finally. finally. what's with the repetition of words there? yes.. i said 'finally' twice for i still couldn't believe myself. you have no idea how hard it was to say 'care to join me for a dinner tonight?' to him. no you dont because you are not me. you are not the person he publicly announced 'awkward to be with', you are not the one who showered him not by sweet and beautiful words of praises but insults and critiques, no, you're not. he was..is..was..was (i hope) afraid of me, not you.

to tell you the truth, the date...ops! no..the dinner, was awkward. i tried too hard to make a conversation that i sound stupid. then K.K. came. WHY?!! why above all people...i know he was worried but...damn it! i was trying to spend quality time with him, i want to strengthen our bond, i want us to be friend, to be more than just friend. oh no! dont get me wrong, i didnt mean that kind of friend, what i meant is that i want to be his special friend. yes..special. that's the key word. 'SPECIAL'... just special. nothing else.

do you know who is the person i am referring to? no you dont. you will never know. hahahahaha

honestly what do you think about me? am i sexy? am i charming? seductive? cute? handsome? tall?..?? lets forget about the last one. do you know how it feels to be me? no right?. so here, let me tell you how it is like to be.

being in two groups is such a pain in the ass, i repeat..PAIN IN (my skinny)THE ASS. it was tiring. having to learn two sets of different dance moves, to memorize twice the song lyrics compared to the other members, to change my personalities to suit my images in my respective groups. there are too much things to mention and too painful to remember.

yes,i am tired. the sexy osaka man is tired.

but his laugh is magic. it spellbound me everytime i heard him laughing. his eyes sparks everytime he talks about his 'nana' or funny things he encountered on his way to jimusho. he loves taking picture and i love to picture him taking those pictures. eww..why am i saying this?..

there was once when we have photoshot in the park, it was spring. it was our turn...ours..the two of us..we were paired up for the photoshoot, we were asked to lie on the grass, everything went smooth before i accidently cathced a spark of fear in his BEAUTIFUL eyes. i asked him what's wrong but he was too petrified to speak yet he managed to glance to his shoulder. there, there i saw, a green tiny little creature crawling lazily on his left shoulder. a strike of thunder in my mind reminds me of how this person cant in any way tolerate with that green thing. i decided to let the thing crawl for a while longer but when tears started forming in his BEAUTIFUL eyes, i couldnt take it and hurriedly pick the thing up and throw it as far as i could.

he's about to cry face was the cutest. i swear!

where was i?

i talked about him again didnt i? damn it. i shouldnt do this. i love him you know..no no..not that kind of love, love as in K.K's member ai. that kind of love ok. nothing funny. no.

i am now alone in the meeting room..we gonna have meeting today. i purposely came earlier so that i could...NO, i purposely came early to avoid the traffic jam. nothing else.

30 minutes to 9.00. where the heck is he?

oi! i warn you, this is only, exclusively between you and me. dont tell anyone else about this especially him though i doubt you would know who i am talking about. but, should i cought anyone of you leaking this private sharing of thoughts to the others... i will make your life a living hell. muahahaha..-that's an evil laughter..MIND YOU!!

owh..here he is...


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fic: brothers (chapter 2)

Feb. 13th, 2008 | 05:05 pm
location: room
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: amy winehouse-rehab

Title: Brothers (chapter 2)

Author: Kazuryoshi

Genre: Alternate world, humanity, love.

Characters: Yasuda Shota, Kato Shigeaki, Ohkura Tadayoshi, Nishikido Ryo.

Pairing: you may guess

Disclaimer: I wont write this if I own them.

Rating: G?

summary: yoko being random, shige being anxious, ryo being a caring son and tadayoshi thought he could fly. yeah..i am worse when it comes to summarizing.

Chapter 2


“Rain, red in colour, fire, something burning, meat perhaps, storm, thunder, screams. I was scared I swear I have vomited many times. I saw a woman running and screaming a name, she was burning, I can see the fire all over her. Finally she collapsed in front of me and I watched, just watched, as the fire swallowing her hungrily, by seconds her once beautiful figure turned into ashes. I was scared I swear I wet my pants several times. then, I saw a man, clothes were torn up, blood is everywhere, he walks slowly towards me, I can see he is trying to say something to me, something like ‘help’ but I was too scared to listen. Suddenly he appeared before me, crooked smile, his bleeding hand rose, his other hand rose, I don’t know why, and I don’t know how his body exploded. I saw what left of him scattered on the ground. My hand suddenly has life on its own. My hand picked a piece of the man’s meat and forcefully stuffed my mouth with it. I was too scared that I bite my tongue in between the chews. Suddenly, suddenly, there was this boy who was bright; in fact he was too bright that I couldn’t see his face. The boy handed me a flower, rose I guess and I took it albeit uncertain if the flower is poisonous. I don’t know how but as I touched the flower, I could see everything clearly, those dreadful sights were all gone, I was in a field covered with green grass and dancing daffodils, birds were chirping their own song, and the wind blew very gently. And somehow, I saw my two sons lying peacefully on the grass, they wore the weirdest clothes ever yet I have to admit they both looked handsome in it, they must have got it, the look I mean, from me. Then, then I realised there’s another boy standing behind the bright boy, his face was stern and protective, his round eyes were judging and eyeing me cautiously. Suddenly, they ignored me and started talking to each other; the boys with my boys I mean. The boy with stern expression was talking to my oldest son and he was smiling and laughing, so did my son. My younger son slipped a flower to the bright boy’s hair and they also looked happy. I was wondering what they were talking about when suddenly they looked at me all at once and saying something I couldn’t hear before running away from me to a place that was kind of familiar to me. Then there is another boy but I can’t see him clearly for he was covered with dust. They were getting smaller and smaller until the boys, the dust boy and my boys plus the place vanished in a thin air. It was blurry at first but then I realised that the place was the slum.”


“then I woke up and decided I have to visit the slum and find the boys”

Shingo watched in amazement as his friend finishing up his dream tale, he never realise how fast his friend could talk until now.




“the truth is, I don’t understand what you were saying. You talked way too fast, I can’t figure out most of the words that were coming out from your mouth.”


“too bad. But my point is, I have to go there no matter what and you are coming with me”


Shingo realised that there is no point of arguing so he just nodded though it was half heartedly. He couldn’t believe how ridiculous his friend could be, believing a dream is one thing and chasing after boys he don’t even know if they were really exist or not is another thing. What worse is of all the place in the world, why it has to be the slum?.


“you are crazy yoko..you’re loco..loco yoko..see it even perfectly rhymed with your name”


“I knew it, I shouldn’t have told you, I know you will not believe me”


“oh… I do believe you, your dream to be exact, what I don’t believe is you”




“yeah… you…loco yoko” he said mockingly.


“stop making fun of me. I want you to explain why you don’t believe me and I am not requesting”


“so you want to play president with me again?...okay Mr. President. I do believe the dream part but I can’t believe the fact that you actually believe it. It was just a dream man, a dream,D.R.E.A.M. do/rii/mu”


“I know but it felt soREAL”


“yeah, and now I have to risk my precious life for the sake of a president’s dream,  thank you my good friend” said the wise man while patting his friend’s back.


“but it felt awfully REAL”







“really! I think father is really crazy”


“I know but he’s still our father”


“yeah…” Tadayoshi stares blankly at the outside world through the window pane, a singing bird caught his eyes and he started drawing imaginary map on his empty plate. The glorious sky reflects its magnificent colours of blue, yellow and purple with a shade of grey as a sign of the approaching night.


“Ryo ni sama, have you ever wonder…?”


“wonder? About what?” replied the older boy dully.


“have you ever wonder what is it like to be bird?”




“me neither”


“so why you asked?”




“hey, are you okay?”


Tadayoshi shifted his look from the bird to his brother.


“I wonder what it look like outside?” without him noticing it, his long fingers move by its own, erasing the imaginary map on the plate by a stroke.


Ryo shook his head. “you’re really strange…sometimes”




Shota’s absence is something dreadfully strange to him.


It was always the same for him and Shota. When the sun is about to set he will be at home and Shota will always be there to welcome him with his sweet smile. He will hand him the food and Shota’s eyes will shine and lively again. He will always come back on time and Shota will always be there waiting for him and they will talk happily while enjoying their humble feast.


But where is he now?.


Shige started imagining all the worst things could befell upon Shota, his body is weak and the slum will never be a safe place for someone with a cute face like him. The slum is full of corrupted people that won’t let go of a beautiful prey like him. No, they will not and Shota will not be able to protect himself against them. The thoughts mercilessly sent fears through his every vein making him shivers.


“damn Shota! Where the hell are you?!”

His round eyes were open wider and wilder. He screamed his brother’s name until he hurts his throat. His feet drag him to no particular directions. He is desperate to find Shota for the last thing he wish for is to lose him. Shige is tired and scared and that mixture of feelings turned into anger, then came the guilt that made him completely lost in his own thoughts and agony.


His instinct suddenly brought him back to the river where they were first met. The river divides the city and the mysterious wood. But when he reached there, he was still all alone.

 Shota is not there.


“Sho kun, where are you?” no more shouts for he himself have to struggle so hard even to catch a single breath. He is too tired and thirsty so he walked straight to the river; soaking himself with its cold water before he bent down to drink the juice of the nature. As the water made its way through his throat he felt a strange calmness surrounding him, the cold water miraculously extinguished the raging fire inside him and replenished his draining energy. Shige is smart but he couldn’t understand the unfamiliar feeling that is growing inside him so he just closes his eyes and let the feeling grows in him.




He knows that voice. He knows that voice too well.


“Sho kun!” he immediately open his eyes and find the said boy is walking towards him but Shige did not wait, he quickly runs back to the ground, grabs the smaller boy by his arms and pulls him into a tight hug.


He was relief that his Sho kun is here with him. Weariness that suddenly came forced him to fall down.




“don’t worry, I’m fine.”


“you sure?”


“positive” the truth is, Shige is not fine. He is tired and was scared to death. If it was not because of his voice of reason that told him not to cry, he would certainly break down and cry in front of his Sho kun.


I cant cry, I have to be strong for the both of us


“Shige…I’m sorry”


“where have you been?”


“I’m sorry. I overslept. There is this huge swing, it wasn’t there yesterday, then I play with it, then I fell asleep”


“what are you talking about?”


“I went to the wood, as usual..”


“you went to the wood? don’t you scared of the monster?!!” his already round eyes were open wider in disbelief.


“what monster?, there’s no monster in there. And yes, I went there almost everyday. I thought I’ve told you about that.”


“no! you never told me anything about the wood”


“did i?. Please forgive me”


“what are you doing there?”


“well…Shige, you’re soaking wet. You’ll get cold. Lets go home first, besides I’m hungry”


“no…I want you to answer my question first”


“no I won’t! but  if you insist, I’ll tell you on our way home. Are you fine with it?”


“well…I guess”




“what’s wrong?”


“did I make you angry?”


Shige shakes his head weekly.

“no, but don’t do that again. My heart won’t be strong enough; if you do this again, I might get a heart attack and die”

And shige was not lying.


“no! I promise you, I won’t do it again” he cried.


“Sho kun…did you get hurt?”




“sho kun”




“let’s go home” he said while secretly observing the smaller boy who is struggling to support him.



“father is not home yet, its already a month, why should he leave ?” questioning eyes are wide open upon seeking for the answer from his mother.


“I don’t know, your father never told me” said the mother while looking at her son through the reflection of the giant mirror. Her long fingers are firm against the golden comb and with those she gently almost cautiously brushes her long hair, few strands of hair fall and like feathers, its lightly landed on the floor. She shifted from her son’s to her own reflection. She on the other side was smiling weakly.


“mother, are you fine?” ask the concern son.


“I am fine, don’t worry” answer the mother. Not completely honest.


But Ryo is not blind; he knows his mother is not well; her porcelain skin is slowly losing its healthy complexion so does her once shiny round eyes. Ryo hates the fact that he is not capable even to give the slightest spark that will bring back her smile but then he blames everything to his father for doing this to them. He had promised them. he promised he will come back after one week, but a month had passed and never once the president sent anything to them that could indicate if he is alive or not. Something sickening and painful grows inside him as he thinks about it.


“Ryo sama!, Ryo sama! Tadayoshi sama..he..he…” panicked. A maid in her black and white uniform rushed into the room. She looked pale and terrified as if she just saw a ghost. There’s blood on her cheek.


He knows that something bad must’ve happened to his brother.


“tadayoshi sama jumped from the window. We tried to stop him but he insisted to jump”


“What!!!” both the mother and the son exclaimed.


The three of them ran to where Tadayoshi is, the maid led the way and when they reached the pond, Ryo couldn’t believe his eyes. Tadayoshi is lying unconscious on the ground; blood stained both his face and his cloth. A maid is crying beside him but doing nothing to stop the bleeding. Useless maid! Ryo almost fainted when he noticed his brother’s ankle twisted in a weird angle.


“oh my god! Tadayoshi!” was the last words before Leah collapsed and fell down hard on the ground.


Ryo is petrified by the double dose of accidents that befell upon his beloved ones but soon enough he managed to collect himself.


“you two, bring my mother back to her room and seek for help, quick!”


“yes sir!” they said with both faces smeared with a mixture of tears and Tadayoshi’s blood.


Ryo quickly ran towards his unconscious little brother. Gently, he laid the boy’s head on his lap, pull out his handkerchief and wipe off the blood from the boy’s head.


“It wouldn’t stop. Damnit!”


Lightly he tapped his little brother’s cheek, trying to wake him up. He wanted to cry for he is scared of loosing his brother but he couldn’t. Tears won’t fall; it never fall, not even on the day he was born.


Miraculously, Tadayoshi did open his eyes and smiling gently by the sight of his brother.


“I’m alright” he said faintly.


“baka! Since when human can fly?!” Ryo retorted with a trembling voice.


“he said I can” and once again he closes his eyes leaving his brother in perplexity.


A/N: i dont know if i should continue this fic. *sigh* i am just bad at multichaptering.

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